It Takes A Village

My village is large and it is blessed. Since I am a woman, I approach this topic from a woman and a mother's point of view. My village consists of sisters and sisters-in-law, my mother and mother-in-law, my father's wife, my grandmother, and many friends for which I am grateful.

I firmly believe that a mother needs help to be a mother. I believe that children need the love, care, and guidance of many adults, not just one or two, to be well rounded.

The hardest part of my life as a stay at home mom was between 2002 and 2004. During this time, we had our first child, Morgan. I went from working full time to staying at home with a colicky infant. A year after she was born, Madeleine arrived. Sixteen months after that, Noah arrived. Now I had three children under three. The friends that I made in high school and in college did not live in the same city as I did or they were working with no children. It felt like each day was the same as the next. I was slightly overwhelmed with three small children. I relied on my sisters-in-law, my mother and grandmother, and my mother-in-law quite a bit during this time. I was then and am still blessed to have them. They helped me care for my children and gave me the support that I needed to get through each day.

In those early days of motherhood, I would often travel to my grandmother's house or my mother's house and stay there for the day with the children. Now instead of my two hands, there were four (or six if I was with my grandparents). The children still had someone to care for them and play with them while I was nursing a baby. My mother would send me out to visit friends while the children napped. My grandma would send me into town for a couple of hours by myself or offer the guest bed for a nap. My sisters-in-law would have us over for morning playtime and often for meals. They gave my children cousins. My mother-in-law was always willing to watch the children if I needed help, to care for them when Jeremy and I needed a night out, and would also take the children just because they were her grandchildren.

A mother needs the company of other mothers to stay sane! She needs adult conversation. She needs another mom in the room when her three year old throws a temper tantrum. It is much easier to take when there's more than one person in the room who knows that the tantrum is ridiculous and then it can be funny instead of exhausting. A mother needs to know that there are other moms who struggle with the monotony of crying, chores, and diapers. A mother needs to know that there are people praying for her and she needs to pray for others. A mother needs someone to cover for her while she runs an errand or goes to an appointment. A mother needs other moms to share playtime with, to share fears and trials, and to share victories.

Moms need their mothers--this may mean the woman who gave birth to them or it may mean the woman who gave birth to their husband. A mother is the one who loves unconditionally. She understands that the house is a mess because mom is busy with children, not because she's lazy. Grandma happily picks up Baby and takes him to change his diaper to give mom a break and also because she just doesn't mind. Moms need their mother to pick up the phone in the middle of the night when the newborn's belly button is bleeding. Moms need their mothers to come and visit because it's a reminder that other people have survived motherhood. Grandma sees the beauty and energy in her grandchildren when mom is having a hard time getting past the spaghetti in the baby's hair and on the wall. A mom can brag endlessly to her mother about her children without seeming prideful. Moms need their mothers to come see the picture that Junior drew, listen patiently on the phone to the toddler's newest words, and come to see the kindergartner sing in the school's Christmas show.

Children need their grandmothers and grandmothers need their grandchildren. Grandma may be Dad's mom or Mom's mom or she may be Mom's or Dad's grandma. Grandma loves children no matter what they do. Grandma lets Junior throw apples into the pond and Grandma has shovels so that the cousins can dig big holes in the backyard. Grandma has just the right balance of rules and fun. She knows when to scold and when to let it go. Grandma is heaven on earth for a child (even a 30 year old child) and is the lucky recipient of her grandchildren's unconditional admiration and love. Grandma can do no wrong!

Mothers need their sisters. A sister is the girl you grew up with. She saw you sucking your thumb, she was there for your moments of triumph, and for your moments of embarrassment. She knew your room was a mess when you were growing up and she's not visiting now to see if you have dust on your furniture or Cheerios in the corner. She's visiting because she loves you and she loves your kids. Sisters can sit on the back porch together, say nothing at all, and call it time well spent.

These people make up a mother's village. Mothers need their village because it takes a village to raise a child.