Closing Ceremonies

Goodbye, Winter Olympics 2010. Thank you for entertaining me for hours while I nursed my new baby ... and for entertaining my new baby with closing ceremonies while she sits rapt on her father's lap.

Baby Dragon

The Simple Woman's Daybook Volume 39

FOR TODAY ... February 24, 2010

Outside my window ... It's cold. Enough already!

I am thinking ... about how great a hospital vacation is. Although it's difficult to get much sleep with midnight nursing sessions, intermittent nurse visits (they come bearing terrific pain killers), and the occasional 3 a.m. blood draw, food is delivered to my room 3 times a day and it's quiet with the occasional lullaby announcing the delivery of another baby.

I am thankful for ... the lactation nurse at the hospital. She showed me how to latch Maria better and gave me a prescription cream. The combination of the two made nursing pain-free within two days. It's always taken me about four WEEKS to get my body used to nursing. I'm going to call her tomorrow to thank her.

I am wearing ... sweats!

I am remembering ... the feeling of seeing Maria for the first time in the delivery room. She didn't look like any one in particular and has a head full of jet black hair. My other kids are blond! I remember smiling when my doctor poked his head around the curtain to say that Baby had a lot of hair, before they had finished delivering her. We had been discussing it ahead of time. I was so excited!

I am going ... to enjoy spending these next couple of weeks with a new baby and my husband off of work! I've been resting a lot and nursing a lot. In fact, I should probably be in bed right now because we've had quite a few short nights lately. :)

I am currently reading ... nothing currently. The Olympics are on TV!

I am hoping ... that my family stays healthy and that Maria sleeps tonight like she did last night. As long as I keep her in bed with me, she'll sleep for 2.5-3 hours at a time between feedings. Yay, Maria!

On my mind ... sleep. Or maybe a lack thereof.

Noticing that ... time slows down when I spend all of my time admiring my five beautiful children and their handsome father. I've also noticed that a baby with four siblings doesn't get put down. A baby who doesn't get put down doesn't like to be put down. This baby will sleep only in bed with us or while she's being held and doesn't like to be put down during the day. Hmmmm.

From the kitchen ... friends have been bringing meals. I'm so very grateful, as it gives me extra time to rest, heal, and enjoy my baby and figure out how to balance homework time with nursing and figure out whose turn it is to hold Maria and for how long.

Around the house ... There's stuff sitting everywhere. We are chipping away at the task of unpacking the kids from their weekend at their grandparents' home and our weekend at the hospital. We'll get there.

One of my favorite things ... nursing and baby's breath

From my picture journal ...

Maria Days 1 & 2

Our Maria

Maria Catherine is here! 7 lbs, 2 oz, 19", 7:45 a.m.

More later. :)

"My Maria, don't you know I've come a long, long way?
I've been longing to see her; when she's around, she takes my blues away.
Sweet Maria, your sunlight surely hurts my eyes!"

Maria....

Stillness

What is it about the beginning of life--birth, that is--and the end of life that holds such special meaning? Both come from God and are sacred. We celebrate births and then rebirths through Baptism. We celebrate death and bid farewell to our loved ones with the highest prayer we can offer: the Mass.

There is a very popular song by the group Snow Patrol called Chasing Cars. It became popular in 2006, the year that Ede died.

Ede was an amazing woman. She was my great aunt, my grandpa's sister, but more like a grandmother. She and her husband were able to adopt only one child, as WWII had taken many men away from America and she was not able to marry until she was in her 30s, after the war was over. When she and Ralph were finally married, they ran a hardware store and a dairy, making ends meet. She cared for her mother-in-law in home and then her own mother. She raised a son. She cared for her husband during his battle with lung cancer. Much later in life, she cared for her dying sisters Marlea and Esther (one had Leukemia, one Lou Gehrig's disease). After her dear sisters were gone, she took care of her aunt Ethel who died slowly of old age. When these women were gone, she herself was 90 years old. She was in excellent health: no diabetes, a little arthritis, had all of her own teeth, and she barely used the walking cane she possessed. She loved to eat at Red Lobster, McDonald's, and Valentino's, and often took our family out with her. As a child, I spent a great part of my summer breaks with her and her sister and when I moved back to the city for college, the time spent with her increased more, as we now lived no more than 10 minutes from each other.

When I left work to stay home with Morgan in 2002, we began to spend even more time together. Eventually, she moved from an apartment into a senior living center, and then into assisted living. It was the move into assisted living that seemed to take the spirit out of her and she began to go downhill. One of the employees contacted me, saying that she was having trouble eating, wasn't coming down for meals, and seemed depressed and stayed in her dressing gown for much of the day. A visit to her doctor revealed nothing out of the ordinary. As I was ready to set up a consult for a second opinion, she ended up in the hospital and was told that she had esophageal cancer. It was October of 2006. After a brief return to her assisted living facility, she ended up in hospice care, as with her advanced age (95), treatment was impossible and not necessary.

For years, she had started conversations every so often about "when I die...." and I didn't want to hear it. But now it was imminent and I was ready to listen. The only problem with this is that she didn't completely recognize that death would be the quick result of this horrible disease and I wasn't brave enough to tell her. I know she was ready for her life on earth to end. She was the oldest of six siblings and four were gone. She often said that her friends were gone and she had been a widow since 1975. Her son and two grandsons lived in Florida (far away). She felt she had a good long life and was ready to go meet her Maker.

It wasn't long in hospice care before she was unable to speak. This strong, beautiful woman laid in her bed with her eyes closed. She couldn't swallow, she couldn't speak, and slowly became unaware that we were with her at all. I visited as often as I could. Every time that I was in the car on the way to hospice or on the way home, the aforementioned song would come on the radio.

We'll do it all, everything, on our own. We don't need anything or anyone. If I lie here, if I just lie here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? I don't quite know how to say how I feel. Those three words are said too much though not enough. If I lie here, if I just lie here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told before we get too old? Show me your garden that's bursting into life. Let's waste time chasing cars around our heads. I need your grace to read my needs to find my own. If I lie here, if I just lie here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told before we get too old? Show me your garden that's bursting into life. All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see. I don't know where, confused about how as well, just know that these things'll never change for us at all. If I lie here, if I just lie here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

The bolded line stood out to me, repeated over and over in the song and it would bring me to tears. It was God calling me! Was I strong enough to let go of my free time, to leave my children with my husband and go up to the hospice center and, regardless of whether she knew I was there or not, sit with Ede in the stillness that was the end of her life?

Even now, this song still plays on the radio and I'm reminded of her but I feel no pain now; I just feel the same sadness that came over me while she laid down at the end of her life (the sadness was not for losing her, but for the agonizing way her life ended).

It occurred to me recently that a new baby will ask the same thing of a mother: If I lie here, if I just lie here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? As we head into Lent, I think about what to give up and think that I'll be giving nearly everything up to take care of this new little life that I'm being given. I'll have surgery to recover from, nursing, and the adjustment into five children from four. I'll have a lot to offer up for Lent and I intend to offer it up and I'm grateful to do it.

In the stillness of the beginning of life and the quieter end of life, and now as we enter the season of Lent, I hear Jesus whispering, "If I lie here, if I just lie here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

Stupid Experiment: Conclusion

Conclusion: If I don't pick the towels in the bathroom up, they will stay there for three days. On the end of the third day, the girls will make such a wet mess with their bubble bar in the bath that their father will use the towels to wipe up the floor. Then the white one will be hung while the gray one remains on the floor sopping up water. At 10:00 p.m., the two year old will come downstairs coughing so hard that he vomits in various places on the bathroom floor. His father will ever so graciously clean it up (so that pregnant mother doesn't have to) and carry all towels down to the washer and ... even start the load!

End of experiment.

Stupid Experiment

I'm working on this silly exper-iment. I'm very tired of picking up after my family members. I don't mind doing it--to a point--but I've instructed them MANY TIMES to pick up THEIR OWN TOWELS and HANG THEM UP in the bathroom when baths or showers are finished. I have asked repeatedly for hooks that the kids can reach more easily but alas....

Every experiment has a hypothesis, testing, and a conclusion. My hypothesis is that if I don't pick those towels up, they will sit there for a minimum of four days; the count begins Saturday night. The test is simple: I won't pick them up, nor will I ask anyone to do it. I'm tired of it. The conclusion remains to be seen. I'm not a vindictive person, just tired and kind of curious.

On Saturday, I gave the boys a bath and hung up two towels in the bathroom. I hung them up AGAIN on Saturday evening when I found them on the floor (likely pulled down by little hand washers). Saturday night they were on the floor AGAIN and I left them there.

Sunday update: still there.

Monday at noon: still there.

Now I'll start taking guesses as to whether they'll still be on the floor when I get home from the hospital on Monday with a new baby. Wagers? Bets?

The Simple Woman's Daybook Volume 39

FOR TODAY ... February 15, 2010

Outside my window ... It's cold (15 degrees) and white outside everywhere. The sky is white, the ground and streets are white.

I am thinking ... my way through Friday morning, our fifth cesarean birth. My nerves are settling and I'm eager to meet our new daughter.

I am thankful for ... quick access to our family doctor, who has early, non-appointment hours on Mondays, and for antibiotics (when necessary) to help my children become healthy. I can't imagine how helpless I would feel in a third world country with no access to these things. I never take it for granted. I'm so grateful for our health care and for our wonderful doctor.

I am wearing ... jeans, a T-shirt, a fleece zip-up, and a baby.

I am remembering ... how it feels to sit up in a hospital bed in the middle of the night when the nurse brings in a hungry, crying baby to nurse. It's such a pleasure to see this new little person, even in the middle of the night. I think this time I'm going to keep her in our room rather than send her to the nursery at night. We'll see.

I am going ... to have a baby on Friday morning!

I am currently reading ... Life Giving Love by Kimberly Hahn.

I am hoping ... for a quick and easy recovery from Baby's cesarean birth. :)

On my mind ... health for my children. The girls are both on antibiotics. Madeleine has an ear infection, Morgan has an infection in her lungs. Isaiah is trying to kick a cough. I'd like to have four (other) healthy kids at the end of the week when we deliver this new baby!

Noticing that ... we haven't had any faux spring days this winter as we have in past years. It seems that there is usually a 50 or 60 degree day here or there in January to give us a break from the deep freeze of our Nebraska winter. This year, we've had no such luck. Maybe spring will just appear one day with 50 degree temps and we'll stay warm instead of going back and forth during March.

Pondering these words ... "Oh, empty my heart; I've got to make room for this feeling. It's so much bigger than me. It couldn't be any more beautiful. It couldn't be any more beautiful. I can't take it in." --Imogen Heap, Can't Take It In

From the kitchen ... the dishes are done. There's some food in the fridge. That's about it.

Around the house ... I'm frantically trying to clean up a little more each day and desperately trying to keep up with laundry as our "deadline" approaches.

One of my favorite things ... newborn skin

From my picture journal ... Isaiah digs for fossils at a museum. He is truly my son. (I LOVE Geology.)

7 Quick Takes Friday Volume 21

1. Jeremy was speaking about resiliency training the other day. It's something that's mandated by his employers for him and his co-workers. It teaches the employees where to go for help should they have suicidal thoughts or have job or life related stress. Jeremy thanked me for being his lifeline and for making for him a place that he enjoys coming home to. I was glad to hear this. I thanked him for being easy to please. Your spouse should be your lifeline.

2. This child prefers my right side. She might move for an hour or a few but she always moves her trunk back to my right side. It's there, this tight bulge that makes my tummy look uneven--it's not this perfect round tummy that a non-mom might picture when thinking of pregnancy. I can feel her outline and I love it.

3. Speaking of resiliency training, this past week has been something else. I received some extremely stressful news on Monday night, Jeremy's car came home smelling like fireworks on Tuesday, Morgan came down with a fever on Wednesday, Madeleine called home from school on Thursday complaining that her ear was plugged, teacher conferences and our Little Flowers meeting overlap today, and I feel like it's been non-stop driving, appointments, planning, re-planning, and homework all week. But I don't feel stressed out. I have Jeremy and we're having a baby next week.

4. I'm going to lose 20 pounds next Friday. Childbirth has got to be the fastest way to weight loss. Now about the other 15 pounds that I gained over the last 9 months....

5. Thank goodness the kids got sick this week (and last week). There have been fevers, non-stop coughing, and an assortment of other mild symptoms but I bet they'll be healthy and ready to go when their sister arrives next week. Whew!

6. I've heard many people refer to my well-developed conscience as Catholic Guilt. But here's the thing: I think that the whole world feels guilty. They feel guilty for what their forefathers did (things that they had no control over) or that they have been born with or given an advantage that another person has not. People pass it off as political correctness or global warming or population control. Deep down inside, they don't feel that they deserve to use the world, its resources, or to be content.

7. Hospital vacation, here I come!

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Visit Jennifer over at Conversion Diary for her Quick Takes and those of other bloggers.
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The Simple Woman's Daybook Volume 36

FOR TODAY ... February 8, 2010

Outside my window ... it's sunny! It's cold (20 degrees), but it's sunny!

I am thinking ... about having a baby next week. I am having a baby next week. Wow.

I am thankful for ...
::The University. Professors and students from our local university sponsor an earth-science day at the university's museum. Since my major before I left school was geology, I love all of the displays and experiments that my children were able to see and take part in this weekend. They had so much fun and they learn so much at this event.

::Girlfriends. I had a dinner out at Old Chicago with three other friends on Friday night. We met at 8:00 and ate and gabbed until midnight. What fun!

::My brother. He came over, with short notice, to help my grandpa and Jeremy carry in and set up the headboard that my grandpa made for us. My brother is so good about helping with the kids and coming over when Jeremy needs help moving things. I'm grateful to him for this.

::My husband. In spite of an injury he received while playing basketball Friday evening, he ran the snow blower, shoveled walks, and let me take a long nap on Sunday. He also forfeited his Superbowl plans so that I could go out with girls from my rosary group Sunday evening. Every day, he gets up and goes to work so that I may stay home with our children. He takes the girls to school on his way to work so that I don't have to worry about packing everyone up in the morning. He is the best husband ever and I'm forever grateful for him.

I am wearing ... jeans, a T-shirt, a fleece zip-up, and a baby.

I am remembering in prayer ... friends who have lost babies to miscarriage at any time, but especially over the last several months that I have been pregnant. Their losses tug at my heartstrings more now than ever before.

I am going ... to bible study tonight.

I am currently reading ... Life Giving Love by Kimberly Hahn.

I am hoping ... for a quick and easy recovery from Baby's cesarean birth. :)

On my mind ... baby. Always baby.

Noticing that ... time is passing rather quickly.

Pondering these words ... My friend Lindsay's post On Being A Wife.

From the kitchen ... I really have no clue.

Around the house ... my grandpa made an oak headboard for us! It's BEAUTIFUL and ever so special because it was made by someone whom I love very much. We will treasure this piece of his work forever. Also, we had our eyes on a bedroom set for the boys which Target was selling. We waited and waited and finally, they put the items on clearance. We picked up matching quilts for the boys, some wall decals, a night light, and pillows. They are a camping theme, which is a favorite for both boys. They were so excited! Now when we have time to paint their room, we'll add the wall decals and also the leaves that Noah wants to hang on his wall. One of my favorite things ... itty bitty feet tickling my ribs from the inside.

From my picture journal ... two of my favorite boys!

Wise Man

My husband had a bone to pick with Planned Parenthood this morning. He said, "they keep crowing about that [Tim Tebow] commercial but it's so frustrating. They don't care how many beer commercials there are with half naked ladies as long as there are no pro-life messages."

7 Quick Takes Friday Volume 20

1. 37 weeks down, 2 to go.2. Morgan became a Brownie.3. Whenever we go somewhere crowded with all of the children, we begin our day by taking a picture of them. This way, if someone gets lost and the employee/police ask me what they were wearing, what they look like, etc., I'll have the information right in my pocket. No thinking. *Gee, I wonder if this next baby will be blond with blue eyes? 4. Snow is not all bad! I know that I suggest it is a pain in the rear end (it is) but there are good things to having snow, too. For example, when you're two and need some time outdoors when it's finally just above freezing, there is this new funky material to drive your trucks through.5. And there are mountains to climb on while Daddy breaks up the ice in the driveway! 6. My Grandma sent home with me several African Violets, a beautiful Jade plant, and a huge Christmas Cactus. I'm going to keep them alive! She propagated these herself, so they're more special. The violets started with my great-grandmother and the Christmas Cactus she figures to be over 100 years old, as it started with my great-great-grandmother.7. If you are brave enough to give your children watercolors, as I am about twice a year, then you can do this project. Print out a dragon. Outline the dragon with black crayon. Paint with watercolors--go heavy on the paint. Sprinkle with salt. Allow to dry. Rub/brush the salt off. Voila!

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Visit Jennifer over at Conversion Diary to read her Quick Takes (which are much more thoughtful than mine) and those of other bloggers!
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Top 10 Reasons ...

... to get this child out of me.

In light of Colleen's post, I thought I'd joke a little about why I'd love to give birth today instead of two weeks from tomorrow.

1. We're crowded. Seriously.

2. I want my bladder back. And my ribs are begging for mercy. And my back muscles.

3. I'm not sleeping anyway. I may as well be up nursing someone.

4. I'm going to slip and tell people her name sooner or later--let's get her out so we can tell the world.

5. I need a vacation to the hospital.

6. I'm tired of waiting.

7. I want other people to be able to hold her already.

8. She's trying to wiggle her way out. May as well humor her.

9. Is it really a girl? I'd like to know.

10. I miss ibuprofen.

Little Flowers Part I

Friends of mine initiated talk of beginning a Little Flowers group. We started with 10 moms and divided into two groups which will join to one group for larger ceremonies and parties. These are all girls from our parish. Our pastor, Monsignor N was happy to participate in the initiation ceremony. More later, as this was our first meeting, held about a month ago.
Monsignor initiates Morgan:

Monsignor initiates Madeleine:

*To the other Little Flower moms: if you see this post and would like pictures of your daughter, please let me know and I'll be happy to e-mail them to you! I have pictures of each girl receiving her sash, cross, and flower. I believe that Kristi also took pictures.

The Simple Woman's Daybook Volume 38

FOR TODAY ... February 1, 2010

Outside my window ... snow is coming down slowly. We're expecting less than an inch.

I am thinking ... about my almost-here baby. Sorry, no deep thoughts today.

I am thankful for ... our Monsignor. He's so affectionate with his parishioners, especially with children and is so gentle with pregnant mothers. When I went up for the blessing of Saint Blaise yesterday after Mass, he blessed my throat and then my unborn child. Ah, it is wonderful to be a part of a pro-life parish whose members believe that I'm carrying a living baby and not just a fetus.

I am wearing ... sweats and a T-shirt, socks, sneakers, and a baby around my waist.

I am remembering in prayer ... friends of mine who have lost babies to miscarriage over the last nine months. This touches my heart (makes it ache) even more as I am carrying my own baby to term.

I am going ... to host bible study tonight.

I am currently reading ... Life Giving Love by Kimberly Hahn

I am hoping ... for a quick and easy recovery from Baby's cesarean birth. :)

On my mind ... baby countdown only. 18 days.

Noticing that ... my 7 1/2 year old daughter is such a help around the house. She's begun to get up each morning, get dressed, and she'll grab four bowls and pour cereal and milk for herself, her sister, and her brothers. I thank her every morning and put a quarter in her jar. It's such a small thing she does but such a big help to me.

Pondering these words ... "It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may life as you wish." (Mother Teresa of Calcutta)

From the kitchen ... taco salad tonight, chili later in the week, French dip sandwiches too.

Around the house ... signs of baby are showing up everywhere: a case of diapers here, folded baby clothes in a readied crib, a little flowered dress hanging there, a nursing cover ready for use.

One of my favorite things ... sleep

From my picture journal ... a 36 weeks pregnant me with Madeleine::
Remember to visit Peggy, our gracious host!
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