Before I move on to the rest of my list, I feel that I should address the messages left by other moms! You guys always have something good to add!
When we make up our house rules, we always figure in a bit of flexibility. The rules are not always black and white and our reaction to the children's behavior, both positive and negative, is fluid. Our rules change as the children mature and their needs change. Our rules will also change as the children have a particular behavior to work on.
Sometimes when we issue a punishment, we will give the child a second chance. For example, I've warned Morgan about her behavior and told her that she'll go to bed early if she repeats it. She repeats it and is sent to bed early. She goes to bed kicking and screaming. If she's truly sorry, she might be given a second chance--especially if she asks for it. Sometimes instead of putting Noah in a time out or giving him a spanking, I will send him to his room for fifteen minutes. The idea is that if he can't play nicely with others, he'll have to play by himself. I'll stray from the black-and-white punishments or rewards if I can think of something a little more creative or a little more relevant. When someone slams a door, I ask them to open and close it quietly one time for each year of their age. It's good practice.
When I said don't be afraid to say no, I meant that we don't tiptoe around a no by only saying the why. I like to be direct with the children because they don't understand nuance and definitely don't understand sarcasm. And I do offer the why to go with the no more often than not. Like Jenny said, it's beneficial to say, "No! That's hot," rather than just no. Elm wondered if we ever have to say maybe and the answer is yes. If I have to say maybe then I'll usually offer the explanation as to why it might become yes or why it might become no. Diane had a good point: if we use no too much, our children will parrot the no back to us and that's a pain in the rear end. On the other hand, there are (rare) times when my answer is no and I will respond to the why with because I said so. Oh, motherhood can be tricky!
Colleen made a good point about saying yes. I don't want to tell the kids no for something like, "can you play with me," when I should be saying yes if it's possible--even when I'm tired.
Most importantly, we are as consistent as possible. Part 5 is scheduled for Thursday. I'm looking forward to your comments, messages, and suggestions!
1 comment:
Like the new look of your blog. This is an interesting discipline list. I think I should know these things but it is so easy to forget something obvious in the heat of a tricky moment. Thanks for the review.
One thing I struggle with is finding the appropriate consequence / punishment. There are sometimes only so many things you can take away ie TV, desert. I often feel like I run out!
Post a Comment