HysterSister

I've been debating about this a long time, whether it's too personal to post or whether others might benefit from my experience.  I think that it's time to share.  I felt very lonely when I was working toward a diagnosis for my female-problems and don't want others to feel that way.  I felt abnormal (I was, really), but I want others to know that they're not alone.  These female problems are not often things that we talk about, we women.

When John was born, I had a hysterectomy.  There's a lot to it, and that's a major surgery--my sixth cesarean planned as a cesarean-hysterectomy.  It's rare, said my specialist.  In a city of 250K, he sees this surgery only a couple of times per year.

I'm one of those rare women who can say morally and with certainty, before menopause, that our family is complete.  I never pictured myself in this place.  We will have no more biological children, and that's okay with me.  It's such a complicated story.  I almost do not know where to begin.  

Sharing the details of my female- problems would be too much.  I'm not a squeamish person and don't mind sharing these things in private, but I can't post them on a blog.  It will be sufficient to say that my specialist agreed with me that I probably had adenomyosis.  There's one cure for that: hysterectomy.  

Two years ago during Lent, I was going through the crucible of testing, more testing, and yet more testing.  It wasn't a new thing; I had gone through this several times before, between the births of my children.  But this time it was different.  No test, no medicine, nothing was helping with the problems this time and it was only getting worse.  I knew that I was on the fast road to hysterectomy.  

I had what I like to call a temper-tantrum one day while in the laundry room.  I threw away all of my maternity clothes, my nursing bras, and gave away every piece of baby clothing I had, got rid of the baby toys and blankets and started to deal with the idea that Maria would be our last child.  I am so glad that God had other plans.  

Looking toward Holy Week that year, I anticipated starting the scourge of another period and tying into Jesus' suffering spiritually.  Holy Thursday came and went, and when there was no sign of suffering on Good Friday, I took a pregnancy test even though I thought it would be negative.  It was not.  I was pregnant!  

Seven weeks into this pregnancy, I bled.  This scared me to death because it had never happened before.  I was so scared that I would lose this child, this one last chance.  But God had other plans, and we went in to hear Baby's heartbeat at 11 weeks.  My Dr had not had problems finding a baby's heartbeat before, so as the clock ticked and ticked and he was starting to look worried, I started to feel panicky ... and then he found it.  *sigh*  I exclaimed, "This MUST be a boy because only a BOY would hide from his frightened mother."  I was right about that, at least!

Now we were on our way to yet another cesarean birth and the dread began to set in.  My Dr is a family-practice who offers OB care, but he does not perform cesareans.  He brings in an OB/GYN to perform the surgery, though he is there.  In September, I met with Dr. H and he--knowing what had been going on female-wise before this pregnancy--asked if I would be open to a cesarean-hysterectomy.  I was elated and scared all at the same time.  I wanted so badly to be healthy, but also knew the risks with this kind of surgery.  

Obviously, everything went well.  John and I are both here, to prove it.  

The story of John's birth is a good story, but I will save it for another post.  More later!

The Child Whisperer

The Child Whisperer is a book by Carol Tuttle.  I'm not big on self-help books and new-agey froo froo talk annoys me.  But psychology fascinates me--no, I did not major in it--and ideas to help me better parent my children interest me.  Also, I just like to learn.  So if I can read a book and glean even a little wisdom from it, I consider it time well spent.

This is the first self-help book that was jaw-dropping for me.

Carol describes four different personality types, and uses Type with a capitol T.  In this book, she's describing children, and it's geared toward parents (teachers, grandparents) who are trying to understand their children, these personality types carry into adulthood.  Here are brief summaries (taken word for word from her intro):

Type 1: The Fun Loving Child (Isaiah, left)
Primary Connection to the World: Social
Primary Movement: Bouncy and random
Primary Need: To have fun and happy parents
May be described as: animated, fun, bright, light-hearted, friendly
May be negatively judged as: flighty, hyperactive, unreliable





Type 2: The Sensitive Child (Madeleine, right)
Primary Connection to the World: Emotional
Primary Movement: Subtle and Thoughtful
Primary Need: To have feelings honored and everyone in the family feel loved and connected
May be described as: tender, gentle, kind, thoughtful
May be negatively judged as: wimpy, shy, hyper-sensitive

Type 3: The Determined Child (Noah & John, left)
Primary Connection to the World: Physical
Primary Movement: Active and determined
Primary Need: To be challenged and have new experiences with support of their parents
May be described as: Strong, active, persistent, energetic
May be negatively judged as: Pushy, loud, demanding


Type 4: The More Serious Child (Morgan & Maria)
Primary Connection to the World: Intellectual

Primary Movement: Straightforward and exact
Primary Need: To be respected by their parents and family members and respect them in return
May be described as: Thorough, efficient, responsible, analytical
May be negatively judged as: Critical, judgmental, know-it-all


These are the summaries of each Type, matched with pictures of my own children where they fit.  Reading about Type 4 was eye-opening for me; it was reading about myself with detail I hadn't been able to express.

This is fascinating stuff!
More later.

Overwhelmed (and grateful for it)!

When people find out that I am the mother of six children, they often have many questions, and many of them are the same from person to person.  The most common question is, "How do you do it!?"  The answer is, "I do not know!"  And I don't.  Some days, I feel lucky to make it to lunch time, then naptime, then bedtime.  Shoot, some days, I feel stress two minutes before my alarm goes off.  

Often, I feel overwhelmed.  

That sounds like a sad statement, but it isn't sad, just true.  I feel overwhelmed most days.  I also know that this is just a season, just a phase that we'll get through.  

I'm blessed with many girlfriends and most of them have several children.  The average among us is 5.64 and ever increasing.  (No, I'm not kidding about the average.)  Realizing that we are incredibly blessed, we rarely complain, so it may seem that things for other moms are smoothly sailing.  Tonight, I needed to know whether they also felt overwhelmed.  I needed to know if it's my imagination telling me I'm overwhelmed or if this is common among mothers.  The nice thing about this safe group of girlfriends is that we all know how much we love our God, our husbands, our children, and how grateful we are for our lives and to all stay at home with our kids--yes, all of us stay home.  So when one of us brings a feeling or a situation up in our group, there's no questioning the woman's intentions, no doubt about her abilities, and no questioning her sanity.  

Turns out that other moms feel overwhelmed almost every day.  It's not just me, which means it's not just you.  We feel the weight of a determined child with an intense personality, the push of chores that positively mock us when they are undone because we were changing diapers, wiping noses, and preparing meals and snacks for our constantly-eating-hobbits.  We feel the pressure to maintain a positive outer appearance.  That is, we don't want our kids squabbling in their Catholic-school uniforms in the grocery store and cringe at the idea of not appearing put together in public.  

We value our marriages above all things and feel that they are often slightly neglected for the care of the beautiful little creatures that these very marriages created.  

We feel that we can't keep up with whose school papers need to go back on which day and whose permission slip disappeared somewhere between the backpack and the classroom and a teacher just e-mailed because the kindergartener punched his friend in the chin on Thursday and had to go see the principal and wouldn't tell the truth about it and needs his discipline sheet turned in at the same time that his older brother needs a science project slip without a deadline signed and we're wondering whose lunch is packed, whose isn't, and which child needs help with math and whose turn it is to use the computer for homework and which girl should play her instrument first because the other girl can't possibly do homework in that room while there is bandinstrumentpractice going on and can't work at the dining room table where her toddler brother will crawl all over her and pull at her pages and pen while mom is making supper and the boys are wrestling in the front room and can the four year old princess please listen to Frozen songs and color with markers on the coffee table that her toddler brother can reach and someone snipped at someone else and now there is bickering and are we seriously out of milk?  And who is crying?  Did someone get hurt?  Will someone unlock the door and let Daddy in?  Your uniforms are both dirty and you need them yesterday after a long weekend of not needing them?  Who left the bathroom door open and thus allowed the toddler in to play in the toilet?  Get away from the stove; it's hot!  Hi, honey, how was your day?  

There was no advice offered tonight; there was none needed.  We just needed camaraderie and laughter and commiserating!  We need to feel normal in our overwhelmedness.  (Yep--made that word up.)

So yes, we're all feeling overwhelmed and it's normal.  It's a phase; it's a season.  It may last another couple of months, but I suspect it will be years.  It's a trial by fire, I suppose.  BRING. IT. ON.  

Family Retreat 2012

We know the instructions Jesus gave to his apostles: Come away to a quiet place and rest awhile.  They were exhausted from ministry and simply needed rest.  Jesus needed rest too.  We were long overdue for a family-retreat when we took this trip to Colorado.  No electricity, no running water (save the creek and the pump), and no distractions.  This was a week in Heaven!

Our Campsite

The creek--the white noise was heavenly!

The open space and the smell of the trees was amazing.

One of the collegiate peaks

 

 

 

Noah

Waterfall

Morgan & Maddie

Eagle Scout and his boys

June 2012: John is there, but still in his first trimester.  :)

Morgan & Maria

Arkansas River

Maria was 2 at the time

We fed some very tame ground squirrels.  The kids loved it!

If I was a trout, I would absolutely love the view from my run.

Mt. Antero

Casa Bonita!

The Simple Woman's Daybook

Sunday April 12

Palm Sunday!

Outside my window, the rain has slowed or maybe stopped.  We had thunderstorms today!  It is the time of year that they start here, and it is such a pleasant change from winter's cold dreariness.  The grass is greening and trees are developing bright green buds.  The burning bush is getting ready to go green and our 60 year old Pinoaks aren't far behind.  Yesterday it was 82 degrees.  Today it's 52.  Welcome to Nebraska.

I am thinking about whether I will actually make this blog public again.  If you can read this, then I did it.  Why is that such a big deal?  I don't know.  

I am thankful for so many things.  Not only do we have a home to live in, food to eat, and clothes to wear, I have been given a wonderful spouse and six healthy children.  I am so thankful for my health and for the gift of waking each morning to see another day.  And coffee.  I'm thankful for coffee.

In the kitchen ... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  You think I'm going to talk about food!  When I was 9 months pregnant with John, I had this brilliant idea to cut fleece with a rotary cutter on the kitchen linoleum.  That worked well, as you can see.

I am wearing jeans, wool socks, Keen casual shoes, and a long sleeved shirt.  Yesterday I was wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt.  Welcome to Nebraska.

I am creating this blog post.  No deep thoughts there.  Oh, wait.  I'm creating a new unit of blood to replace the one I gave away yesterday.  To make it, I'm using Ruffles Cheddar & Sour Cream, Marshmallow Oreos, and coffee.  It'll be top-notch stuff; people will line up for it, I tell you.

I am going to head to Jeremy's parents' home for supper tonight.  There's truly nothing going on in my kitchen, but rumor has it that Jeremy's mom made roast pork and scalloped potatoes.  I get to go eat food that I didn't have to cook!

I am wondering why Kathleen Sebelius stepped down.  I don't really know what to believe, and I'm too lazy to go read all the articles online, some by liberals (who will probably say that the conservatives crushed her) and some by conservatives (who will probably say that she finally realized who she actually is).  I keep hoping someone will just tell me so I can move on with my life.

I am reading The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle.  It is mind blowing.  I will write a post on it later.  It's the first self-help book that I devoured in three days.  I don't do self-help books, by the way.  

I am hoping for a good, disciplined, solemn Holy Week followed by the joy of Easter!

I am looking forward to getting back into reading others' blogs.  I've got some catching up to do!

I am learning how to knit.  I started this winter, picked up the basics, and want to get better at it.  I want to make useful, pretty things.  I wonder whether it will be too hot to knit during the summer?

Around the house: We just installed a baby gate into the 5-foot-wide doorway between the kitchen and dining room.  John is rabid with curiosity and we needed to block one room off in which the other children can eat, do their homework, and play games without John's help.  

A favorite quote for today: "Nor do I condemn you.  Go and sin no more."  --Jesus

One of my favorite things: my grandma's class ring.  She graduated in 1951.  When I was a sophomore, I chose one that matched hers pretty closely, but it's not the same.  Several years ago, she gave hers to me.  She told me that she wanted me to have it because she knew how much I value it and that it was time.  I wear it almost every day.

A few plans for the week: Holy Thursday Services--Mass to remember the Last Supper with the washing of feet, Friday Stations of the Cross with a viewing of The Passion of the Christ for the older children and me, set to end at 3 p.m.  We will have a fire Saturday, and Sunday we will wake to remember the Resurrection!  Oh, I love Easter.  

A peek into my day: I do love wet, rainy, thundery spring days!

Do take the time to visit our lovely host!

With this whole three-year-absence thing, I've lost track of a lot of blogs that I'd like to start reading again.  If you leave a comment, I'll follow that link over to say hello!  

We Now Return to Regularly Scheduled Programming

It has been so long since I took down this blog, convinced that I was wasting too much time doing it and that I had offended every person in the world with my perfectly reasonable yet snarky world views.  Here's the thing: it's my blog.  You read it here, you don't like it, you can "walk" away.  If you are upset with me for writing or thinking a particular thing, you probably misunderstood me.  Read it again.

My husband says I'm less grumpy and funner when I have the outlet of writing.  He used different, kinder words.  He said I needed to start blogging again.

Ye be warned (yes, I know it's not talk-like-a-pirate-day):

No more anonymous comments are allowed.  I'll blog; you can read.  If you want to disagree with me, you can do it with your name attached.  I can take it, I promise.  I'll wear my big girl panties.  It's pretty hard to hurt my feelings.  Believe it or not, I could usually tell who posted the anonymous comments by what was said, how, and by the grammar and punctuation used.  Oh, and I don't hold a grudge.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion.  I'll probably leave the comment published unless I decide I don't like it.  Then I'll print it, stomp on it, light it on fire, and fling its ashes into the wind.  Just kidding.  I'll just delete it.

I will not apologize for my view of the world.  I'm not perfect, even when I think I am.

I am anti-abortion, pro-life, whatever you want to call it.  An unborn child is a human from the moment of conception and deserves our protection.  Abortion is bad for women in all circumstances.  We can argue the details later.

I may not post regularly.  I've got six kids and a husband and it is my job to keep them alive.  Sometimes food on the table is more important than the blog post I'm dying to finish.  Some days I'll post seven things, sometimes I'll go seven days without posting.

My house is messy and my kids sometimes fight.  My marriage is wonderful, but it's not perfect.  My kids watch PBS in the mornings while I wake up.  I drink enough daily caffeine to kill a small horse.  My car needs to be cleaned out.  We don't do crafts every day and we don't hold hands and sing kumbaya.  But we pray together, love one another, and are happy.  Some people think that bloggers lead perfect, clean, organized lives.  It may look this way, but looks can be deceiving.  Don't read posts and think that you don't measure up.  I'm putting my best face forward.  Why would I post the bad stuff?  That's depressing.  Someday, I may post pictures of my laundry room and you'll feel better.

I laugh about a lot of stuff.  Are you with me?

P.S. Our newbie is John, born at the end of 2012.