Boys for Sale

I am offering two little boys for sale.  Both are adorable, have blond hair, blue eyes, are of Czech and German ancestry, were breastfed, and have all their shots.  Both are baptized Roman Catholics.  Both are named, but they don't respond to them anyway, so you could change that.

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The six year old would make a good only-child.  He does not play well with people to whom he is related.  He is good at repeating himself; would make a good son for someone who is hard of hearing.  He asks questions all day long and is in need of constant attention.  He does not like to go to the basement by himself.  He would make a good burglar alarm, for his vocal chords can emit the highest pitch of scream you desire.  He is toilet trained.  He loves babies.  He thinks the back of the bathtub is a water slide.  He likes to clean the kitchen table, but not his bedroom.  He does not like to hang up clothes and therefore would not need a closet; he could live out of a laundry basket.  He is halfway through kindergarten and will attend full time school next year.  He loves camping, fishing, and the great outdoors, especially if there are things to be burned, bones to be found, horses to feed, or insects to be caught. 

The three year old would make a good companion for someone--with or without a stool--who has trouble reaching the topmost cupboards.  He would also make a good companion for someone who cannot open a bottle or can of soda.  He is a good climber, a good jumper, a quick runner, and likes to get his way.  He is quite contrary but quickly changes his opinion if the adult agrees with his contradiction.  One must use reverse psychology to work with him, and must make everything a contest.  He enjoys finger painting with chocolate Malt-O-Meal and enjoys giving his guys baths in breakfast cereal and milk.  He will need his shoes to be superglued to his feet because he can never find them.  He is mostly toilet trained ... when he wants to be.  He tends to omit the first sound of an S word.  For example, he says kittles for Skittles, mash for smash, pider for spider, pell for smell, and tack for snack.  He laughs when he farts, and, amidst the giggles, asks, "what's that pell?"  He prefers tacks (snacks) to meals, and is able to dig sweets out of the cupboard without the help of an adult.  He prefers walking to riding in a cart, and is happiest when he is the center of attention.  He likes to be tickled and wrestled with.  He pokes babies' eyes.  He loves to take baths and does not fear water.  He loves to be outdoors.  He loves horses, Star Wars, and dogs.

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Prices are $6 for the six year old, $3 for the three year old, cash only.  All sales are final.  We cannot accept returns.  We might barter a trade for a little girl or two.

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Hurry, supplies are limited!  Order now to have them shipped to you by Christmas!