Two on One Time

My girlfriends and I have wondered often how, in a large family, parents can devote quality time to a single child.  It seems impossible sometimes to fit into what can be a rather hectic day-to-day routine.  How would we devote time to one child while keeping the rest busy?  Peace and quiet never lasts more than fifteen minutes here.  Someone hit someone else, someone hurt their elbow, someone needs their rear end wiped, the baby needs to be held. 

It is easier to fit in one-on-one time with a child.  Jeremy will take Noah on his hardware store errands, include him in the handyman jobs he does around the house.  A child will help me stir this or that for supper or baking, there is homework time and craft time, sometimes.  Morgan likes to help me give Maria a bath.  If I take Maddie to a doctor's appointment solo, we'll stop afterward for a treat before we come home.  But this is all while the other parent is handling the other four children.  We do spend quality time with our children, as a family.  We go to the park, we'll start a fire pit fire in the backyard and roast hot dogs, we go to Grandpa and Grandma's house.  We pray together every night, and Jeremy reads to the children after prayers.  But how do we get both parents with one child for quality time without having to find a sitter five times a month?

Aside: an argument that I often hear in favor of small families is the amount of attention the children will get.  These naysayers think that an only child (or two children) will get much more attention than a child who belongs to a bigger family (four +).  You know what?  That's a load of baloney.  A mother of twelve pointed out to our bible study that older siblings give so much to their younger siblings.  Having Maria has proved this to me.  The girl so much as whimpers, and she's got a crowd of four people around her entertaining her, helping her out of whatever pickle she got herself into, bringing her toys, picking her up, or goofing around to make her giggle.  When she wakes up in the morning, Morgan is eager to go get her out of bed which allows me another half hour to sleep!  I don't ask her to do it; she asks me if she can.  And if I go get Maria out of bed, Morgan pouts because she didn't get to do it.  After school, the kids clamor for her attention, argue over whose turn it is to talk to her, hand her a toy, chase her around the living room, or entertain her.  I do not think that this baby, #5, is lacking for attention.  Au contraire!

Our pastor answered this for another mother in our bible study during spiritual direction.  He said that it is indeed important for a child to have one on two time with his or her parents.  She asked him how to manage this (he understands large families well, being one of 9 and having many sisters with many children).  He said that once a month, a child gets to stay up past bedtime, maybe 15 minutes, maybe 30 minutes, with both parents after the other children have gone down.  Oh!

So how do we keep track of this simply?  The schedule could be complicated or easy to forget.  The solution (my idea, thanks) is that the child stays up later with us on his birthday date.  For example, Morgan's birthday falls on the 10th.  Each month, she will stay up late on the 10th.  Isaiah on the 11th, Madeleine on the 16th, Noah on the 6th, and when Maria is old enough, the 19th.  Luckily, they all have different birthday dates. 

We've talked to the children about this idea and they are eager to begin.  Last time, Morgan wanted to look through her baby book and at pictures of her when she was little.  Madeleine wanted the same.  Noah wants to do that, and his day comes up Monday (so we'll have time with him Sunday since Monday night is full).  Morgan has plans for her next anniversary; we're going to work on the chemistry crystal set that she's been asking about for a year.  Madeleine wants a back massage with my LUSH massage bar.  Noah wants to build stuff with us the time after next, although I bet we can squeeze baby pictures and building into one session.  We will talk, we'll have popcorn.  Maybe we'll watch a nature show together, maybe read a book.  Maybe we'll do a craft together, maybe we'll just sit and cuddle. 

I thought I'd share this with you parents who are wondering the same thing!