Family Size

Cousins
::

Large families are beautiful. I think that children desire siblings more than any other gift. If parents are able, it is a wonderful gift to children to have siblings.

When we were first pregnant with Maria, the children were ecstatic. You'd think we'd given them a weekly trip to Disney World complete with unlimited souvenirs (although I'm not sure they know what Disney World is). Today it's the same. There's competition to hold Maria--who got to hold her last and for how long? Whose turn is it? Who does she like the best? Who made her smile? Did she whimper, Mom? I'll pick her up. Should I give her a pacifier? A blanket? My blanket? It's not just Maria who is the focus of her siblings' affection. Isaiah scores high there. The three older children are his potty-training cheerleaders and are always trying to help him with a toy or his shoes or seat belt. He wiggled in next to Madeleine the other day, said, "Can I hug you?" and after they hugged, finished with, "You're the best sister ever." Oh, empty my heart (I've got to make room for this feeling)!

When things come up that are a little difficult for the children, I remind them of their blessings. For example: the seats of the van are now full. Morgan is squeezed in between two car seats. Noah was bickering with her for taking up space and she was picking on him while he tried to sleep. I chastised them and reminded them that our van is now crowded because they have a new favorite toy sister and asked if she was worth a little crowding. They quickly agreed that she is worth it. They even quit bickering!

A few times, I've ventured into realm of priorities. "Would you rather have xyz or a new sister?" The answer is always a new sister. "I can't get up and run around the yard with you because I just gave birth to your new sister. Would you rather have me to play with or would you give that up for a little while to have a new sister?" The answer is always the new sister. The girls have even asked how long they'll have to wait until Maria will come to sleep in their room.

This contradicts what society tells us about our children. Society tells us that our children are selfish, that they want the high-end toys, iPods and phones, nice clothing, fancy vacations, plenty of space, their own bedroom, and all of their parents' attention. Society tells us that in order to make their dreams come true, we need to limit our family size. Phooey. Kids want brothers and sisters.

What does society tell our children when it tell us to limit our family size? My (very wise) doctor pointed out something. If a parent rolls his eyes to Heaven and says "I can't handle any more," what is he telling his children? I couldn't handle anymore of YOU. YOU are too much for me. But with openness to life, a parent says without words, "You are so great that we wanted 10 more of you." What does that tell the child? What an ego boost! That's what we tell our kids and inquiring strangers. Our first 2 or 3 or 4 kids were so great that we wanted another.

I don't know what size our family will be in the end. Perhaps God will add two or five more. Heaven forbid, we could lose one. Maybe we'll stay right where we are. I've had many people ask, as they admire Maria, whether we are done or whether we will have more. My response to the whether we'll have more is, "I hope so!" To whether we are done, I respond, "I don't know!" How could I? I don't know what God has in store for us. It is the same as asking whether I'll still be alive next week (I hope so) or whether I'll be alive at age 89 (I don't know). I am not in control of these things.

Psalm 127: 3-5 "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."